Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Switzerland is fucking stupid! If I ever become an unethical, material -gorged world despot with a lust for power and armaments, I will totally blow the hell out of Switzerland in celebration of my glutted ascention. Everything there is like, a million dollars. That is unacceptable. I declare war on it. A whiskey and cola is FOURTEEN SWISS FRANCS (MORE THAN TWELVE U.S. DOLLARS!!!!!!!)!!!! Thank God that here in Munich, they sell Jack and Coke in 12 oz. CANS. That's right. IN CANS. (again: !!!!!!!!!)
The train to Munich was uneventful, except for a waiter in the dining car who was sad that we didn't see the nice parts of Switzerland, so he invited us to his house. Too bad that his Dumb country had already mortally offended us. We respectfully declined in favor of another day in Munich.
Getting to the hotel took us about four hundred years, so we were fain to give the festivities a miss. Our friend Natalie came and took us to a local bar (think club Z meets the River City, very upsetting.) where thanks to her amazing ability to communicate with Bavarian Barmaids, we managed to get some drinks. She will receive a hot position in my cabinet when my cartel takes charge.
The next day, we wandered around the main square and then we went to Oktoberfest.
NEW PARAGRAPH: (begin:then we went to Oktoberfest...)
Oh, and then. It was insane. These people are nuts. there were forty million of them. After some shoving and injurious crowd mingling, we found a table with some dumb military guys and some riotous, bachanalian Brazilian girls. Amazing amounts of Beer were consumed. Natalie wore traditional Bavarian garb. With our pictures, we can blackmail her for life.
When we left to catch the trolley, some crazy English guys tried to kill Bobby for no reason. This is very funny now, although we didn't think so at the time. Despite our bruises, torn sweaters and lost earing, it is now hilarious. This is a story that you will have to ask us about specifically, however. It's too long to type.
Yesterday, to spite the swiss alps, we went to the alps in Austria. It was amazingly beautiful. Today we're going to wander around Munich and tonight we'll catch the train to Frankfurt, and tomorrow we leave. I have to stop typing now because Bobby is waiting to smoke and he's freaking me out as he is FRANTICALLY PACING LIKE A STARVED JUNGLE CAT OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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