Monday, September 5, 2005

The bells of St. Clemmens say - Oh, no, wait.....

Hey, check this out: öööö. That's right. It's where the apostrophe should be. Our hotel in Frankfurt was really, really amazing, which loosely translated means a fully awesome place to sleep after all the alcohol we drank. Wendy and I found out that complete sleep deprivation and drink binging is the magical panacea for jet lag. We had no idea what the hell time it was, so we got up at eight the next morning and felt great.
For your information, however, I want to bring it to your attention that continental breakfasts in the states suck so incredibly that I'll bet Derek Jeter invented them. There is so much more to steal when you eat German breakfasts. Wendy and I embarked on a serious life of crime Saturday morning, which some old people thought was really funny. Well, The hell with those old people, because they were not nearly ingenious enough to steal hygienic bags from the restrooms and stuff them with Danishes. Take THAT, you fools! I don't care how hard you yanked yourselves up by the bootstraps after the great depression! I don't care if you remember when bread was two cents a loaf! Because I remember it being TOTALLY FRIGGIN FREE when I was shoving handfuls of rolls into my purse! (thank god they wrap cheese in wax here.) Stupid old people.
Then, we went to the train station and caught an express train to Munster.
I am so super pissed that none of you told me how cool trains are. Landscapes are TOTALLY pastoral!! and I never knew! Eva met us at the station and took us to her apartment, which is an Ikea catalog. We are all afraid to touch the furniture.
Yesterday we went to Elta to visit Eva's parents. The town itself has a population about the size of the average number of people you would find in the Nordstrom rack on any given day. I think they do most of their business with drunken bike riders. The town consists of an elementary school, a Russian refugee asylum, two churches and a nature preserve. Eva said they had a grocery store too, but I'm sure she's lying like always. I was astonished to find that Eva's parents are actually made of money. I always thought the expression was figurative, but apparently not. They took us to a restaurant that served the nastiest goulash ever. Kristi, you would have wept with shame for them. I myself almost hurled.
Today I woke up really early by accident, so I went jogging through Eva's neighborhood in Munster. I saw a ninety year old lady on a bike, and the street signs make no sense. Also, if you went up to a German city planner and said "city block," they would have no idea what you meant. Even if you said it in German. As a result, I ran around in an amoeba shaped route, turned hard left twice, and somehow wound up back where I started. This place is strange. I am out of interesting things to say, so we are going now to gape at some cathedrals and expensive clothing stores, and cook dinner. Miss most of you.
love emmi

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